down to the river to prey – using anger

Enter and be Changed, Jaya 2016
Enter and be Changed, Jaya 2016

06.08.16 – I had some rough experiences with people this week which led to an intense frustration with humans and the blame game. Thus, I went down to the river. It usually eases my heart quickly, but I couldn’t settle for awhile. My anger only continued to build. I spent time in the river and cleansed the stones that had asked to come along. After an hour of trying to calm down, I sat down in the chair with a huff and gave in. I focused on my breath and merged with my surroundings. Within minutes, an elk crossed the stream about 50ft in front of me. It startled, noticing me, as I was downwind and I observed quietly. I wondered what it heralded. Then the wind buffeted me and I sank into a journey with a Kachina I hadn’t worked with in 16 years. He first appeared to me during a guided journey where I was to meet my elemental helper. This time he came as Butterfly Dancer (the Kachina that lands on flowers, then the medicine man uses these in his medicine), fitting as I noticed many butterflies about.
Read the full journey here.

journey with khephra to nibiru

Journey to Nibiru with Khephra – 8.1.16

Khephra the healing boji
Khephra the healing boji

I drew the Charoite card yesterday from my Liquid Crystals Oracle and noticed one of the healing layouts was grouping it with Ruby to balance another crystal. I immediately knew I would use this layout with Black Tourmaline and expand on it. I placed the Charoite card on my pubic bone, my Ruby record keeper at my crown and a small black tourmaline on my heart. I placed another larger black tourmaline at my feet. Khephra, my healing boji, went by my right hand and Amut, the large carnelian, by my left hand.

I repeated the process today and instantly journeyed. I felt my wings unfurl in two sets of powerful movements. One, bird like. Another, insect like. This corresponded to an expansion of senses, almost an amplification of magnetic sense, with the addition of being able to measure various energetics I don’t even know how to explain.

Read the full journey here.

Gaia I – Hollow Earth

Note – This is not an accurate image of what I experienced but the closest I could find to convey the idea:Story of reconnecting to my spirit sister Gaia in a journey - through the Lake of Compassion into the center of the hollow earth to the spiritual core.

This afternoon I did a journey to connect with Gaia.  It was with healers that I visited for help with something else.  They suggested that I do a second journey and said that they wanted to track me through it.  I knew in advance, as soon as they mentioned it, that I wasn’t meant to do it.  However, I didn’t want to appear rude and ungrateful, so I considered it quickly and decided to do as they requested.

I became more and more uncomfortable as the journey progressed though, knowing that I was being followed into a place that felt private and somehow ‘forbidden’ to others.  I continuously shrugged it off and allowed it – although I did send some impulsive wishes in the journey that the trackers see only the minimum and not all of my experiences.  I kept looking back nervously and tossing distractions towards them, flinging visual mists behind me and calling in buzzing or humming noises to block part of my own journey experiences from them. Continue reading “Gaia I – Hollow Earth”

Journey Tracking

Journey tracking - following others into shamanic or spiritual journeys and observing

The next time we journeyed was together with a partner, laying side by side as we did for spirit animal retrieval.  It was to practice tracking someone who is journeying.  I had no idea that such a thing was possible.  I waited for someone to choose me as a partner, and then I let her decide if she wanted to journey or track first.  She wanted to track.  We were to give one another no context – not even our spirit animal type or our journey intention.  That way we could just open our third eyes and watch.

I flew into my mandala to ask, “Why is my mandala so complicated?”  Everyone else in the class had very simple ones.  Then it was my turn to track.  I was supposed to leap through my mandala with the intention of entering her journey and following right behind her, observing her without interfering.  Of course new experiences bring up anxiety in me, particularly since I don’t feel like I’m very good at this spiritual work.  So I was actually amazed that I DID sense her.  I knew that she was journeying and I was tracking her.  How does that work?  It’s not like I’m in her head, reading her thoughts.  It’s more like she’s really in this other reality and I’m visiting it too – a real ‘place’ and we’re both there together.  I felt hooked onto her.  This strange image came to me, like we’d clipped a rock climbing carabiner onto my belt loop and her belt loop – but more like we’d clipped our minds together. Continue reading “Journey Tracking”

Anger as spiritual fuel

Winged, Jaya 2012
Winged, Jaya 2012

I see anger and frustration as a plea to action. To me, all emotions are spiritual fodder and deserve attention. Thus, I share one of my journeys through anger to clarity and healing with a little help from my spirit family.

2012: I was in a silent rage because I felt trapped. I had no escape, as the person I had come with was in deep work for the duration, and the camp was miles from town. I thought about packing up my stuff and begging a ride out, but it wasn’t the beautiful environment that made me uncomfortable. There was minimal thought put into the basic necessities and I had depleted the food I brought with me as snacks the night before. Out of hunger, I had to resort to eating some of the processed food.

Nourishing my body directly translates to my well-being. Thus, eating processed foods and taking my chances with tea made from potable water was not working out. I was dreading the day, hoping to minimize my time in the chemical-ferment that was the porta potties, that wouldn’t be emptied until the end, because there were no showers to wash away the smell. Read more on how I used my anger here.

Thoughts on reconciling childhood trauma

Alone, Jaya 2005
Alone, Jaya 2005

10 years. It took me 10 years to build a space of security and find the support needed to tackle this challenge. I look back onto what I wrote 10 years ago, almost to the day, and I knew this was coming. I knew I would uncover memories buried deep.

2004: But, what do I do with the past? It is a part of me that begs for acceptance and acknowledgment. How do I reconcile the pain when I finally speak the truth of what my childhood was like? Is it enough to feel such anger? Read more on my reconciliation with childhood trauma here.

Song to Epidote – for release and remembering

Crystal song, Jaya 2014
Crystal song, Jaya 2014

Here’s a sounding I did last night, dedicated to my sister, Hallow. It is about letting go, releasing, but it is also about carrying the wisdom gained from the past to the present.

Direct link: http://vimeo.com/111270085

I am enjoying working on these soundings, even if I have a long way to go in the A/V department. It’s never too late to learn. I hope you enjoy my sound gift.

About the crystals: The card in the middle is the Green Calcite card from the Liquid Crystals Oracle. It is flanked by two Epidote. Directly behind the card is a record keeper Ruby and that is flanked by Ajojite on the left and a Trigonic Quartz on the left. Four salt rocks form placeholders around the candles.

To follow our stories on Facebook please like our page:
https://www.facebook.com/ChaosKrakens

Keening – the Banshee song

Elemental sound, Jaya 2013
Elemental sound, Jaya 2013

Sometimes the only thing you can do is sound. This video represents an avenue of healing that is deeply embedded in my way of being present. I’ve been acutely aware of vibration and sound since I can remember and it is my preferred method of communication, wordless sound. I’ve became more comfortable sounding with intent in public when the field of sound healing became more popular, about 20 years ago. Thus, when something needs to be released or moved, I use sound as transport of and access to my truth. It is intimate, for my heart is expressed no better way. If you listen, you know me immediately. Listen to the sounding here.

Journey on Behalf of a Partner

Story of practicing shamanic journeying on behalf of a partner, during an introductory training
Sockeye Salmon by David Hall

Next we were instructed to journey on behalf of a partner, to ask a question for them.  My partner planned to move soon and wanted to know where she should live.  I prepared to repeat the shamanic journeying process as we’d been taught, but instead I was instantly there.  It happened in the snap of a finger and I was startled.  Then I remembered – that happened a lot when I was growing up too.  Sometimes I’d enter and sometimes I’d just arrive.  I did not appear at my ‘Thinking Rock’, teleport to my ‘World Under the World’ entrance, pass through the doors, walk down the steps, or even reach the pool.  I found myself already in the water.  I was in a sheltered spot encircled by the roots and covered by the shade of the big tree at the far edge of the pool.

There was a snake stretched out down the tree with his face right at the water, staring at me.  I shied away from him and said, “Ummm” as I tried to gather my thoughts and felt myself drifting apart, then I remembered my purpose and snapped back together.  I said, “I’m journeying on behalf of M and her question is – Where should she live?”  I strained to listen to the answer but couldn’t hear anything but a quiet hiss.  Then I turned nose down in the water and my body followed my nose.  I began swimming and realized that I was a fish. Continue reading “Journey on Behalf of a Partner”

First (deliberate) Journey

This is the continuation of the journals ‘Where is My Cave’ and ‘World Under the World’ posted December 29, 2013 & January 1, 2014

Story of my reintroduction to shamanic journeying and meeting Caesar, my father, in his rattlesnake form
Hibernaculum by Bernard Brown

Now I did the shamanic journeying exactly as I had in my early years.  I found myself sitting on ‘my rock’ and then I teleported to the base of the Monument wall.  It opened up for me like a space ship door but fifty feet high and made of red rock.  I think of space ships because it slides open and closed like the doors in Star Trek.  I stepped inside as the door closed and stood at the top of the landing looking out on a view I haven’t seen in so many years.  It was my ‘World Under the World’ just as I remembered, sunny blue skies, vibrant and magical forest before me and landscape stretching off into the far distance.

I walked down the steps and knelt at the pool there, formed by a small waterfall.  Directly across from me was a tree that I remembered, and on the tree was a familiar rattlesnake.  I had always remembered entering and greeting the tree first in these ‘daydreams’, but I’d forgotten all about the snake.  He entered the water and swam across to hover right in front of me.  I asked his name and heard no answer.  I was having trouble believing that I was getting this right, worrying that I’ve forgotten how to do it.  I remember visiting all sorts of creatures here – strange experiences like swimming in rainbow clouds and riding a hot air balloon with elephants as my companions and flying across the sky with all sorts of animals.  Now I have to re-learn what is ‘real’ and what is ‘imagination’? Continue reading “First (deliberate) Journey”