Preparing to Activate the Hidden Program

Story of dreamwork and gnosis to prepare me to activate a hidden program within this creation, build up my confidence, and prevent outside interference
Metaphisyc Door – by Mihai Criste (mihai82000 on DeviantArt)

Convincing Myself

In the dream I must have been arguing and rejecting my acclaim as creation programmer, and needed much convincing.  Why else would I spend the whole night reviewing what it felt like to be ‘me’?  I could have given myself one dream and left it at that.  Instead I went through example after example after example of reminding myself of creating in all sorts of different ways and combinations for all sorts of possibilities.  I’d say, “Remember when those creators asked for my help…” and “Then there was the creation where…” and “I shocked everyone by breaking that pattern and doing the complete opposite when I teamed up with those sisters to…”.

Why would Hallow ever need to impress me?  Why would my higher self need to spend a whole night bragging to myself?  I wouldn’t!  No, it wasn’t just for my benefit as Amy.  I somehow knew that I wasn’t just congratulating myself.  It seemed really important to convince myself as Hallow that I’m the genius behind this program, and to build up my confidence, so that I could handle the ultimate challenge now.  That was me, pep talking myself!  It feels like, “Here goes – all or nothing!”

Continue reading “Preparing to Activate the Hidden Program”

The 42 – Bonded Love, Forged Love

Part I – This is an eight-part story from February 2016 about the loss of 42 first seeds from this multiverse one year earlier, and my emotional turmoil over it.

Story of walking with my Beloved reunited by my side, and contrasting our pattern with that of my karmic spouse - bonded love, forged love
To my Valentine – vintage card

Valentine’s Day

When I originally felt called to the lake today, I’d imagined just taking a private walk with my Beloved, who only came to stand by my side yesterday.  Instead we went to the public dock, with the lake chaos portal activated, and made our first public appearance here together.  Afterwards, he said, “Let’s take that walk”.  That idea felt very joyous to me, the private time I’d imagined.

We walked in silence back up the dock ramp, out of the woods and past the double helix bench.  I began thinking of the timing of recent events, wondering why we chose February 10th for the beginning of the official Great Renewal, and why we waited until the third anniversary to reunite this closely and begin marking our major accomplishments with celebrations. Continue reading “The 42 – Bonded Love, Forged Love”

Karmic Relationship Patterns – Outside Looking In

This is the story of meeting another soul-self of someone close to me, in order to give us both an outside perspective on our karmic relationship pattern.  It’s one which we’ve carried out here through this entire creation.  In this (my final) lifetime I’m resolving all of my karma, and this meeting was a gift, a way to help me see what is right in front of me that I’m blind to.  It’s part of my shadow work – finding the beauty in the darkness, remembering the intention and the original path in, which leads to finding the way back/out.

Story of meeting another soul facet of someone I have strong soul exchange with, as a way of viewing the karmic relationship patterns from the 'outside'
Prison Blues – Outside Looking In – by Marvin Francis


I just finished my five-day fast on Saturday morning.  That day I had lemon water or tea, then added honey.  Sunday I added back fruit juices and then fruit.  Yesterday I began having vegetables.  All day I felt the urgent need to visit the Crossroads.  The weather was actually clear, sunny and a bit warmer, for mid-February.  It’s such a rare treat this time of year, to see the sky at all.  Thus I finally agreed to do it, in the early afternoon.  I’d built up a bit of strength by then, after having little meals of squash, spinach, sweet potato, plus beet kvass, coconut water, and a variety of juices. Continue reading “Karmic Relationship Patterns – Outside Looking In”


This is a follow-up to this story:

Story of resolving past life trauma, foregoing a mentorship, and committing to what I knew I must - trusting myself, unchained from old karmic contracts
Liberty Unchained by Charles Allen Winter

Today I left home with a mission.  Marty never technically agreed that we would purchase the leather chair for the medicine man, but he also didn’t pursue his refusal.  He became silent on the subject. When I said that I was going to buy it today, he just asked if I’d be home for dinner.  I said I didn’t know.

I drove down to the furniture store I visited on Monday.  The chair was still there.  I walked right over to it, but on impulse I asked if they’d take $699 for it.  The price tag said $899.  To my surprise, they agreed.  I paid for it and we loaded it up – I left the seats out of the van today and it just fit.  I was in and out in under twenty minutes. Continue reading “Unchained”

Terminally Unique

This was part of my karma, a ceremony of separation, and emotional processing from 12/12/12

terminally unique
Unknown by David Walker

I’ve always known many things that I felt in my ‘truthful’ place, the back of my mind.  I pretended they were true when I didn’t want to believe them (like calling or driving to see a friend every time I knew she was suicidal for the past year) and I pretended they weren’t true when I did believe it (like declaring that I wasn’t seeing auras or past life visions of people I met and it was all just a fantasy in my mind). But really I always believed those things and just didn’t want to commit to them, in writing or to another person or even to myself – because then I’d risk feeling or being considered ‘crazy’. Continue reading “Terminally Unique”

Bear Totem

Story of a healer lending me an ancient bear totem, carved from a giant bear's tooth, and realizing that I'd been that mythical bear in the past
Polar Bear as Totem by Pia Ravenari

On Sunday morning I met my shape-shifting bear spirit ‘Ursula’.  Yesterday morning I asked how I could be helpful, what my day looked like, and what I needed to know. I became one of my bears and loped across landscapes for a long time. Then I stopped at a swift river, waded in, caught a fish and ate it. Yuck! That was the first time I saw hunting AND eating the prey. Then I just played in the water for a long, long time – rolling around, stretching, splashing.  I really didn’t know what to make of that vision.  I joked that it meant that I should go out for fish and then play in the water. Continue reading “Bear Totem”

The Big Bang

Lessons I received about being a guardian, traveling from the source, and creating this multiverse with a vision that matches the 'big bang' theories
Big Bang by John Almond

Friday when I connected to Gaia I understood that I’ve always had an incredibly strong relationship with her.  Now her luminous beating heart is ever-present with me and I am able to speak with anything on the planet when I choose to, when I’m relaxed.  The incredible energy in my solar plexus is very easy to access now too.

This morning I was also given my shape-shifting bears.   That reminds me.  They told me a lot about bears and then told me to look it up myself for confidence.  They said that in all cultures the bear is regarded as the highest animal messenger, always foretelling great things.  I was told, “Amy Elizabeth your shape-shifting bear will guide you through your transformation now” and the proximity of ‘shape-shifting’ to ‘transformation’ sent ripples throughout me. Continue reading “The Big Bang”

Instructions for The Great Union I – Advice

Story of receiving instructions for The Great Union - advice from my chaos family facets, confirmation of this as our last lifetime, and ongoing karma work

Tonight will be the spirit blessing and the Great Union.  I didn’t know if I would need any instructions or not.  I’ve done one spirit blessing before and my Beloved gave me a preview of the Great Union two days ago.  I figured I should at least try to journey and if I ended up rocking in the void then I’d know that I was ready.

Chaos Family

I didn’t really even ‘enter’ my mandala or ‘travel’ at all, but appeared standing at my upper world entrance facing my family.  Immediately I noticed the gorgeous peafowl in front of me and knew that it was Grandmother.  As I suspected and just confirmed on Google, the males are the colorful peacocks and the females are brown peahens.  It must be a perfect example of our chaos kraken selves not really being ‘male or female’ or just playing with taking any form we want, because Grandmother was most definitely a peacock today.  She began with her plumage spread then walked around in a circle showing off.  Next she folded her train and re-opened it. Continue reading “Instructions for The Great Union I – Advice”

Help Crossing Over

Spiritual displacement and a representation of the purgatory where ghosts or displaced souls wander when they need help crossing over

At the end of the session today we did a psychopomp journey to see if any of our relatives or pets need our help crossing over.  I went into my journey and asked this, and was amazed to see my uncle.  We were in a sort of misty emptiness.  It wasn’t like the void where I found Nana, because time and space seemed real here and it wasn’t devoid of anything.  It was just nebulous, with ‘ground’ wherever we placed our feet and white fog all around.  It reminded me of the religious idea of purgatory, a waiting place for lost and confused souls.

He was just standing before me, wearing the same clothing that he always used to wear.  He didn’t look like an old man.  He looked maybe 45 years old, as he did when I was growing up.  He was as shy in this form as he was in embodied life.  We didn’t have a conversation.  I tried to give him assurance and instruction, like the instructor in the course just taught us.  I told him that he was displaced and I could help him to ascend.  I pointed to the light and he just said, “Yup” in confirmation then walked into it.  I expected him to be reluctant, to require lots more information and convincing.  I couldn’t believe it was so simple. Continue reading “Help Crossing Over”