The Original House – Return to Innocence

Story of visiting my original house, where I resided when I began creating this multiverse, to reminisce one final time on the eve of it's destruction
Through the looking glass – by Natalia Rak

Dreams

Thursday night I had two main dreams.  One was split between the start and end of the night, with the other in between as an interlude.  That first and last dream was very long and complicated, about the ‘spirit elections’.  It gave me all sorts of crazy unbelievable – yet perfectly logical and believable – clues about the current earth elections and who is who’s higher self, what they’re up to and why on the spirit planes.  [Note:  I’m not going to share that here.  Someday in the distant future it will be available in my notes and memoirs]

It was the next day in the dream and I visited some home I’d lived in very long ago – way before everything else.  I thought of it as ‘the original house’.  For reference I remembered that it was before the predecessors of the Pleiadians and Arcturians were even born.  In the dream it was like visiting my old home in Colorado in the sense that I’d LOVED living there, and had felt ‘at home’ there like nowhere else here before or since, like it was where I truly belonged.  I’d spent my existence since then wishing that I could return there, as I’ve spent my life reminiscing and wishing I could return to Colorado.

My old house 30 years later – this planter summed up the neglect for me

Visiting my old home in life

It was also similar in that I hadn’t been back in ages and seeing it after so long, I was shocked to find it in such disrepair.  We moved away from Colorado in 1983 and when I finally visited in 2013, thirty years later, I found that my old house was the eyesore of the neighborhood.  Apparently whoever lived there was a recluse and didn’t believe in home maintenance.  The siding, roof and stairs were rotting away, the windows hung with what looked like tattered rags to prevent anyone from seeing in.

The former garden along the whole side of the house had been paved for separate parking.  The back yard had been replaced with a now worn out and cracked tennis court with twenty-foot high metal fencing and privacy screens.  I could only see in because the wire and screening was rusting and falling apart.  The beautiful front yard landscaping had been replaced with rocks.  There was scarcely a living green plant to be seen.  The whole place was like a run-down fortress.

I dared to ascend the rickety stairs and ring the doorbell.  I heard and felt the owner come peek through the peephole in the door then stand on the other side shoving me away persistently with what seemed like formerly strong and now decrepit spiritual power.  I pitied her and left.  I was glad that I didn’t come face to face with her, or tour my old house.

I’d never thought about it until then, but I suppose taking up residence anywhere that I’ve lived must be very hard on others.  I’ve thought a lot since then about spiritually cleaning up this home and asking all beings here to disperse when I move someday.  I don’t want to leave behind a power that could corrupt anyone else.  As a kid, especially since I was hibernating and not supposed to consciously acknowledge my role, I was oblivious to such considerations when my family moved around.

Story of visiting my original house, where I resided when I began creating this multiverse, to reminisce one final time on the eve of it's destruction
Kolbenluft Pump

A Power Vacuum

The ‘original house’ was like that but fast-forward into the future, as if all subsequent residents had long since moved on.  It seemed to have been emptied out and abandoned for a long time, and it felt like a hollow shell now with all residual energy gone.  It really was no longer the home I’d remembered at all.  Rather than leaving it clear of excess power, my absence and the progression of others trying to suck up what remained of my signature had left a vacuum where no power could now reside.  That made it all the more unusual.

In the dream I realized with that it was unique in that sense, the one place in this multiverse where power could NOT exist.  With a start I realized how fortunate it was that no spirits had realized this and seen its potential, because they could have caused great new disruptions if they had.  No wonder it had to be destroyed now.

Story of visiting my original house, where I resided when I began creating this multiverse, to reminisce one final time on the eve of it's destruction
Illustration from Battles and Leaders, Retreat from Gettysburg, Volume III

While war rages

In the dream I knew that the war, the great battle for control of this multiverse, was raging all around.  I knew that at times, troops and ships used this place briefly for cover, because of its location at the center of the conflict.  It was like the barn in the middle of the field turned battlefield, caught in the crossfire and unsafe to linger in.

This is the same war I’ve been sensing everywhere I go for months now, witnessing it firsthand in the skies overhead and even on the ground here on earth.  I can’t leave home to run simple errands without seeing ships bursting into flames, giant guardians topple, fiery destruction everywhere.  The magnitude of this conflict is like the world war III that we’ve avoided on earth – unthinkable.  The constant loss of spirit and life every moment is alarming.  I feel this creation destroying such great chunks of itself.  Humans seem to go about their lives oblivious to it.  I just burst into tears every time I step outside my front door.

Story of visiting my original house, where I resided when I began creating this multiverse, to reminisce one final time on the eve of it's destruction
Major Arcana – photographer unknown

Company

In the dream I realized that I was no longer alone.  I had company.  That confused me and I rewound briefly.  I’d felt alone as I’d approached the home.  I was by myself when I noted its dangerous potential in the ‘wrong’ hands.  No one else was present when I sensed all around, likening it to standing amidst the rubble of a bombed out building during one of the world wars.  I’d heard and seen and felt all of the war machines, the spirit fighters, the explosions and energy blasts all around and throughout this region.  I was poised at the heart of the multiverse conflict, safe only because no one knew that I was there and all assumed this place was long abandoned, barely standing, and worthless.  No one even remembered now that it had been my original home – no one but me.

Then I’d spread myself around, in an array.  It was something like sliding my hand over a deck of cards and spreading them out, but I didn’t do it intentionally.  They’re my chaos family, parts of myself looking in and guiding me from beyond.  I guess I wasn’t expecting them, but they showed up by spreading themselves out.  I’d been all of us combined while ‘I’ checked to see if it was safe to be here. I knew that there was terrible risk in coming here, because it was in a war zone and completely undefended.  I just got notice from my Beloved that it was abandoned, and the fighting had moved off a ways, so that there was this rare window of opportunity to see it.  If I was ever going to go, then now was my chance. I didn’t understand until that moment how exposed I felt.  When they separated to share this visit with me, I felt safer somehow.

Story of visiting my original house, where I resided when I began creating this multiverse, to reminisce one final time on the eve of it's destruction
Dirk Auer rides the Mammoth wooden roller coaster on in-line skates, Erlebnispark Tripsdrill, Germany, 2009

Return to Innocence

I realized that I went purely for nostalgia, which is why I felt so guilty and secretive about it – no necessity, just reminiscing one last time.  As Hallow I still feel my responsibilities to the whole multiverse weighing heavily on me in every instant.  I felt both sorry for placing everything at risk for my own gratitude, and proud of myself for doing it.  This really meant a lot to me.  I will be leaving this whole creation after this last lifetime, and I felt how strongly I don’t want to go without seeing the old place one last time.

I walked through the house, across a walkway and into an upper level of a tall, skinny, octagonal wooden tower.  I got excited and dashed across the floor to a stone spiral staircase, then raced up to the very top room of the tower.  It had a conical ceiling and a long ‘sliding board’ leading out of it that extended way, way, way out across a tremendous distance then dropped off into the cosmos.  It was very high and steep, and in the dream it was made of wood which looked like roof shingles to slide down, with a very short and flimsy wood rail along the sides.  I could liken it to a very ancient and crumbling mine chute, a suspension bridge with pieces of rotting wood tumbling into oblivion at the slightest breeze, or the skeleton of some pioneering wooden roller coaster turning rapidly to dust.

I stood looking down and just couldn’t resist the urge to slide down it.  Impulsively, feeling like a reckless child, I climbed out and sat at the top, trying not to feel how unstable it was and convincing myself that it could take one last use.  I felt excited, indulging my love for thrills and adventures.  I felt like I was poised at the top of a set of tracks built precariously down a mountainside from a mine – but with me as the ore car, and without the ‘land’ supporting it.  This rickety old slide was suspended over nothing.  I was just about to go.  I didn’t care if I fell to my death or not.  I wanted to relive the experience of being young and carefree.

(To be continued)

Hallow ~ May 15th, 2016 (reflecting on May 12th)

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Get Home
by Bastille

How am I gonna get myself back home?
I, I, I…
How am I gonna get myself back home?
I, I, I…

We are the last people standing
At the end of the night
We are the greatest pretenders
In the cold morning light

This is just another night
And we’ve had many of them
To the morning we’re cast out
But I know I’ll land here again

How am I gonna get myself back home?
I, I, I…
How am I gonna get myself back home?
I, I, I…

There’s a light in the bedroom
But it’s dark
Scattered around on the floor are
All my thoughts

This is just another night
And we’ve had many of them
To the morning we’re cast out
But I know I’ll land here again

How am I gonna get myself back home?
I, I, I…
How am I gonna get myself back home?
I, I, I…

The birds are mocking me
They call to be heard
The birds are mocking me
They curse my return

How am I gonna get myself back home?
I, I, I…
How am I gonna get myself back home?
I, I, I…

Oh, how am I gonna get myself back home?
I, I, I…
How am I gonna get myself back home?
I, I…
I’m lost

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