down to the river to prey – using anger

Enter and be Changed, Jaya 2016
Enter and be Changed, Jaya 2016

06.08.16 – I had some rough experiences with people this week which led to an intense frustration with humans and the blame game. Thus, I went down to the river. It usually eases my heart quickly, but I couldn’t settle for awhile. My anger only continued to build. I spent time in the river and cleansed the stones that had asked to come along. After an hour of trying to calm down, I sat down in the chair with a huff and gave in. I focused on my breath and merged with my surroundings. Within minutes, an elk crossed the stream about 50ft in front of me. It startled, noticing me, as I was downwind and I observed quietly. I wondered what it heralded. Then the wind buffeted me and I sank into a journey with a Kachina I hadn’t worked with in 16 years. He first appeared to me during a guided journey where I was to meet my elemental helper. This time he came as Butterfly Dancer (the Kachina that lands on flowers, then the medicine man uses these in his medicine), fitting as I noticed many butterflies about.

Spooky IR, Jaya 2016
Spooky IR, Jaya 2016

It was rather humorous, as I didn’t recognize him at first. He had feather armaments and kept making acrobatic dance moves while I tried to pinpoint the tribe he chose to bring to my attention. Finally, I thought his feathered decorations reminded me of Navajo beadwork. He responded by twirling in the air in such a way that reminded me of the faceted wind elemental that I’d met many years ago. “Kachina!” I exclaimed. I heard “Ding ding, we have a winner!” and smiled. Then I thought he might want me to notice him presenting a specific Kachina. I was reminded of all the butterflies I’d seen, on the trail and by the river. It seemed obvious in that instant. Butterfly Dancer. He was showing me the purpose of flitting about, seemingly aimless, yet important in pollination and fertilization. A unique and co-creative process.

He reached out with his hands and pulled me out of my body. We flew along the river, twisting and twirling. A few times, we dipped our spirits in the coolness. Then he took a deep breath and blew me back into my body. That felt wonderful.

Suddenly, I noticed all I could see was red, orange and yellow. My closed eyes burned with these colors, my potent anger. Yet, it also excited me because I could identify it. I knew it was something I call The Kali Flame. I opened wide and let this energy burn through me and out my crown, like a volcano spewing lava. I realized this energetic torus, the kali flame, would be like a heat signature and would attract certain types like a moth to a flame. It was as though I’d set a trap and understood that my prey wouldn’t be able to move from it once within its range.

When I felt that cement into place I thanked the Kachina for removing the distractions (lint – is what I called it), allowing me to complete this task, and he seemed scared of me. I asked him why and he replied, “We are told of the depths of your power. We know it, but to witness it is a whole other thing.” Then, I gathered him closer and pressed my fingers along certain points of his jaw, brow and cheeks, measuring his face. Just like that, I created a new mask for him to wear as I could feel he longed to play among humans again. I said, “There, now you can go among them easily.” He thanked me, bowing profusely and worriedly, but I could see he was also honored, noticing that I was careful in how I used my skills.

I came out of the journey feeling better, not because I was the hunter instead of the hunted, but because I understood how to channel my anger into a trap instead of letting it loose with carelessness. I always appreciate coming up with productive uses of anger. It is an emotion we rarely give space to in healing.

Foxglove, Jaya 2016
Foxglove, Jaya 2016

Foxglove – Digitalis: “The Foxglove derives its common name from the shape of the flowers resembling the finger of a glove. It was originally Folksglove – the glove of the ‘good folk’ or fairies, whose favourite haunts were supposed to be in the deep hollows and woody dells, where the Foxglove delights to grow.” http://botanical.com/botanical/mgmh/f/foxglo30.html

Author: Jaya

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